25th April 2007

I feel like I am letting everyone down. That I am supposed to be adapting so well, and meeting bunches of people etc. But that is not happening. And I don’t know how to make it happen. And it feels like the clock is ticking. Like I only have so much time to be “ getting used to stuff” and not knowing anyone. That when that time is over, I am just a loser and people wont “ cut (me) some slack”. How long do I get say, “ We just moved here and I didn’t know ( fill in the blank)” Or “ Hi. I just recently moved here.” How long can I mistakenly call trousers, pants( which are underwear here, or as Emily would say, another name for knickers), and people not think me insane when I say “ I showed my husband these pants I just bought” or that I am sharing just WAY too much information. How long can I not know any of the other moms until it’s not that I am new, but that I’m just “that mom” that no one talks to. Especially when it means that they don’t want to let their child come over, or invite Emily to their house. [ on a side note, some of these people are VERY wealthy. I don't have anything against rich people, but I fear that our house will seem like the servant's quarters compared to what they are used to. ] How long are people at Alex’s work going to be understanding when he says he has to go home because his wife is about to crack from the build up of all the little things ? Or for them to not think he is married to a total wack job when they ask if I am “all settled” and he says “Not really. She is afraid to leave the house except to go to get Emily at school” How long will my friends listen to me complain about how things are just different here.

My mother wants to hear that this is just one big adventure and that things are just peachy. She says that I need to just go out and meet people. She doesn’t understand that it is not that easy. The school Emily goes to, and to a certain existent English schools, is not like the schools her kids went to in the States. There is no PTA. The church we have gone to has a Mom and toddler group, but it’s full. So is the Brownie troop. The couple scrapstores I have found by looking online, don’t have weekly crops. And the ones they do have are often during the week and during the day. I am going to try find one to go to. But I run into the problem of the ones during the week that I could go to because it is at night and I could maybe get Alex to come home early, that I don’t know where I am going and could get hopelessly lost. With the GPS it took me 45 minutes to go what should have been 15 minutes to get home from the uniform store. And an hour to go what should have been 20 to the doctor, because I kept missing turns and exists in the round a bouts and you don’t just pull over and turn around here. This was during broad daylight. Hopefully I will be able to find one that has crops on the weekend. I know it may sound like I am just making excuses, and that all I do is complain, but my point is….doing things here just isn’t as simple as you would think. And I have been trying, you can see because I can tell you the snags I have run into. Places don’t have websites very often, and you have to call to get any information. I’m used to looking up on line. I do not like talking on the phone to people I don't know, strange but true. I am not an auditory person, and just do not do well getting information over the phone. I am also very bad at understanding accents. I have a hard time when I am face to face with the person. Plus, I am not doing well with terminology. So, put me on the phone, which our phone is not very good and the volume is really low, trying to process words I am unfamiliar with , using words that I fear may be insulting or just really make me sound “simple” ( that one I know what it means), and not understanding about a 1/3 of what they say. This is not a good formula. I mean, I know more excuses. It is totally my fault, I mean I am here and have to learn the language so to speak, and I am the one talking funny. It’s just that things like this make it so much harder to do what used to be simple things, or would be isimpler if we had moved with-in the states. I guess the fact that I am a big chicken doesn't help much. =)

Wiggles here is loosing her patience and I have to go hang up my clothes. It is sunny today and a good day to hang stuff outside to dry. I can't tell you how strange I feel saying that.

Cheers ( which I am told can mean: hello, good-bye, thank you, or a couple other things. See
why I get comfused?)